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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:09 PM)
To the guy who referred to Deep Sh...
I did NOT marry an AF thinking I was going to get some ""traditional" kind of woman"--my wife is someone whom I have a lot of respect for.
However, it is not right for a woman to totally takeover the finances of the household the way she did. While I do appreciate the fact that the debt got paid off faster, I had already set up my OWN PLAN to have it paid off in 3 YEARS.
If you read my post, you would see that I was NOT some IRRESPONSIBLE IDIOT who rang up charges left and right. I paid my bills on time, paid more than the minimum, I have a perfect credit score and I had saved ALL BY MYSELF $25,000 in an investment account. You make it sound like I was some kind of LOSER who was drowning in debt and having creditors calling day and night trying to collect on bad debts!!!
Out of that $20,000, the bulk of it ($15,000) was in student loans from 4 years of college and 2 years of grad school, and the remaining 2 years of my car note. $5000 in revolving debt is well below the national average.
I don't want some submissive little powder puff you'll say "whatever you want honey." I do respect my wife's wisdom. What I did NOT appreciate was her lack of respect for me when she unilaterally took over all the money, including my own frigging paycheck. i did not demand that of her when we got married nor did i expect that of her.
I like the way it is now--she has her income and money, I have my income and money, we jointly own the house and investment accounts for our future children, and jointly pay for all household expenses. Otherwise, she doesn't butt her nose into how I spend MY MONEY and I don't butt my nose into how she spends HER MONEY.
It's not a matter of one person being subordinate to the other, it's about respect for your spouse and his or her abilities to handle their own repsonsibilities. If I were someone who was irresponsbile with money, then I would not be complaining about her actions. However, I am not that kind of person and did not deserve what she did. Fortunately, once I put my foot down and said "Enough!" she backed off.
WM who doesn't let his WIFE control ALL THE MONEY ANYMORE!!!
Monday, December 31, 2001 at 06:42:58 (PST)
God of Asia,
What makes you think it's a white female trait to get in debt and/or stay that way? Please, ditch the ethnocentrism, it's just not becoming. There are many admirable qualities regarding the Asian race; however, being Asian does not equal being superior. All races have their strenghts. Open your mind my friend, because life is too short to live in a box!
Twinkie
Sunday, December 30, 2001 at 17:48:19 (PST)
If your Asian wife is so smart when it comes to money, why does she view student loans, or good debt in general, as something that needs to be wipes out as quickly as possible? Chances are if your credit is 800 then you must enjoy a very very low interest rate on your student loans. Instead of paying off your loans with up front capital you could have invested that money in stocks, bonds, money markets, mutual funds etc. etc.
Instead you more or less paid 20G up front within one year. What if you had put that 20Gs in a money market? you would probably be sitting on 25 to 30G right now. You could have used your capital gains to pay your loan payments over time without touching the principle. Instead you dropped a butt load of money to pay off a principle which wasn't doing any major harm to your credit.
Put it this way. Those loans would be payed off in 10 to 15 years anyway. Instead you subjected yourself to the humiliation of an allowance for one year to pony up 20Gs. Imagine if you took that 20G and invested it for a duration that equalled your payment schedule of 10 to 15. Even with low risk investment and conservative growth you could have triple your money in ten years. Consider that as money you could have had but pissed away and your "zero balance payment" looks like more like $-40,000.00 extended over 10 years. Yes I know it is virtual money, but all capital gains were essentially virtual at one time.
People who think all debt, including low interest debt in good standing, is bad and should be wiped out ASAP, have a very limited understanding of money and how to grow it.
If I were giving your wife a grade on money management, she would get a C+ in my book. But then again my standards are based on by masters level education in finance and a strong working knowledge of accounting.
Were she my wife, she would be getting the allowance.
Decon
Sunday, December 30, 2001 at 17:19:22 (PST)
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