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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:08 PM)
WM with the controlling AF wife:
I agree with AC dropout emphasizing the cultural gap. In most Asian cultures, the money handler are the women. Many Asian men without any reluctance hand over their pay check to their wives in good faith. I am sure that if you required money to make a purchase that is needed, she will probably hand the money over. It simply seems that you are still in this stage of infancy accepting what is the "norm" in many Asian cultures for the woman to control money. What you may not realize is that regardless of the amount of your own personal debt you accumulate, it would still be consider a debt of her (your wife) own that needs to be paid off. Probably in times of severe hardship and debt will you begin to appreciate the financial wisedom of your wife.
...............
Wednesday, January 02, 2002 at 20:40:44 (PST)
Again, if you think all debt is bad then you do not understand the growth of money. A student loan is no different then a car loan in principle. If you dropped 30 grand to buy a car that is a waste of capital. That capital could have been making you money. Instead you fully purchased into a depreciating investment. This is step back in maximizing capital gain and using time to limit your vestures. The educational loan is not a depreciating investment but its terms and simple interest are the same. By whiping away your debt with large sums of capital, you are mismanaging capital that could have been used to make more money. If you graph your annual capital gain as a percentage of your principle and it exceeds the interest on your loan, then it would be folly to not take the capital gain. Take into account that capital gain is compounded and its difference from simple loan interest becomes even more stark.
If it is third world fear that dictates money management in Asian households, then the money should be managed by someone who has the advanatage of good western financial counceling and education.
This sould not be interpreted as a license to go into debt. It is a warning and lesson to those who wish to manage good debt in the most profitable way possible.
I myself will be looking into bonds and bond funds for this fiscal year and I suggest everyone here also do the same. As a nation our inflation rate is stablized due to the federal rate cuts but the chances of companies showing a large profit this year are slim. Ironically it is a good year for purchasing debt (bonds) for both diversification, shelter and capital income. I recommend short term bonds due to the possibility of a rate hike in the next 1 to 3 years.
Decon
Wednesday, January 02, 2002 at 16:40:44 (PST)
AC Dropout:
The typical American FEMINIST view of money earned by married couples is the following:
All money earned by the Husband is OUR MONEY which the wife has full access to and can use however she wants.
All money earned by the wife is her money and if the husband even touches any of it, she can sue him for divorce and have him prosecuted for theft.
To me that is bullshit! The easiest way to avoid this kind of crap is for you to have yours and i'll have mine and only share when it's to both peson's mutual benefit to do so.
Asian AMERICAN Male who agrees with the White Guy
Wednesday, January 02, 2002 at 10:23:10 (PST)
WM who doesn't let his WIFE control ALL THE MONEY ANYMORE!!!,
I guess want to elaborate on my prior post about the cultural gap you are experiencing.
In most asian household, the women control the money and the man just bring the money home. Separate bank accounts are basically unheard of. Unless they are saving accounts of some sort. A guy getting involved in cutting monthly checks for trival bills is just not the norm in Asia. So the adage of "All big things are composed of little things. A Man can take care of all the big things, and the Woman take care of all little things" is very popular in the Chinese community.
Also most asian husband/wife relationship there is no his or her money. It is referred to as "family money" or our money. That's why generousity among close family member is common. Because the common adage "No need to return the money, it is all the 'family's money'"
Most asian feel debt is bad. In general there is no such thing as good debt. Mortage, college loan, car loans...are bad. This has to due to economic instability in asia during the 20th century that develop this type of thinking. So cash sitting in bank is good. Investing in future, risk management, building equity, buying convenience are bad.
I was also someone that use to take care of all my personal debt. Then I married an AF, I was hestiant to give up control of my loan payments. Then I finally said okay, because of my job responsibilities. I will focus all my energy on career development, and you can take care of the bills. I haven't regretted the decision since.
I don't know the details of your relationship with your wife. But your wife just felt it was her responsibility to take over the family finances as the "norm." Whether or not continuation of this practice of household management was good for you guys is another matter altogether.
Hopefuly, this will provide some insights to the situation you are in.
AC dropout
Tuesday, January 01, 2002 at 10:15:46 (PST)
WM with the controlling AF wife:
hey, as long you don't let her force you to pay for her ice cream habits you should be fine. :)
some wiseguy
Monday, December 31, 2001 at 11:25:52 (PST)
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