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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:08 PM)
AC Dropout,
Managing bonds is no different then managing a stock portfolio. Infact, they are usually simpler to maintain. Also you well remember I mentioned bond funds and that was specifically meant for people who did not have time or who wanted their bonds professionally managed. So much for that arguement.
Bonds are not exactly at the mercy of changing rates so much as they are at the mercy of increasing rates. In the current economic climate, the chances of a rate hike are pretty damn slim. And even if there was a quarter hike, it would not undermine a bbindfund entirely. Also in this current market bonds offer stability and visible income when compared to most stocks. People tend to shy away from bonds because they don't fully understand them. But that does not mean they are a less effective financial tool.
Also your comments about the fiscal habits of first/second generation Asian households is not analogous to the situation I commented on. The post I replied to was a WM/AF couple and gathering from the posts details, the AF was at least educated at the collegate level in the U.S. I am assuming the WM in question is also a born American. Two such people have a wealth of financial information and guidance at their finger tips if they so desire. Infact the Quickens Financial software available on most PCs alone would have suggested not paying off the student loan within a year. Its that simple.
The reason I felt compelled to post about the financially bossy AF wife was because she took control over the household finances under the assumption that she was financially wiser. I found her financial philosophy and remedy to be quite uninspired, mismanaged and dare I say foolish.
I think instead of having one person in that household dictate how to run the money, they could have greatly benefited form professional councling or even advice form a decent software program before committing a relatively large sum of capital to redistribution.
Remember that the study of finance, accounting and economics are each worlds unto themselves. They are among our most highly studied arts. Just like you would not want to defend yourself in court or operate on yourself, your money is far too important to be handled by an amateur. Even if that amateur is you.
Decon
Monday, January 07, 2002 at 13:59:57 (PST)
To Twinkie:
"Let's face it, a girl can't rely on a guy anymore for security. It's too risky! Every day some guy will walk out and leave his wife and kids to fend for themselves..."
If this is the case, then women should NOT have the attitude that any money earned by the man is OUR MONEY while any money earned by the wife is HER MONEY. If women are so frigging indpendent, then don't follow this hypocrisy.
What the man earns is HIS, what the woman earns is HERS and what they both agree to share is THEIRS, if they agree to share any. Don't spout feminist crap and then turn around and act like what your husband earns belongs to you. it goddamn well doesn't and you feminazis know it!!!
AA Guy who agrees with the White Guy
Monday, January 07, 2002 at 06:36:58 (PST)
Decon,
Most asian household I know are cash rich and would just prefer a simple CD or saving account over trying to manage bonds.
In general, asian are into the sure thing. Even conservative bond investments are at the mercy of interest rate fluctuations.
Asian mind set is that they want cash in case American society begins to fall apart. Sounds crazy in the USA when you hear it. But a lot of them come from countries that were war torn. So to them it is just another possibility they will have to live through again.
Asian AMERICAN Male who agrees with the White Guy,
American Feminist .... I am talking about your wife. Does she subscribe to American Feminist philosophy? Did she threaten to sue you for touching the money?
Personal Finance is just that...personal. If you and your wife have come to an agreement on how to handle the family's money, then that's that.
I was only trying to provide some insight to why your wife did the things she did, if she has asian upbring.
Basically, the financeal strategy she is trying to prepare for is in case you both lose your jobs, America is invaded, and you got to leave in a hurry. Sounds crazy I know. But that's why a lot of Asian household are cash rich. We are basically taught that 'Cash is King' and to prepare for the worst.
AC dropout
Thursday, January 03, 2002 at 11:33:04 (PST)
Asian American Male who agrees.....
Your attitude toward the American female is sad. I am keeping in mind that you referd to the FEMINIST version of the American female, though. I would be interested in knowing what your definition of a feminist is. I believe we live in turbulent times, and women have to learn to be independent, regardless of race. Let's face it, a girl can't rely on a guy anymore for security. It's too risky! Every day some guy will walk out and leave his wife and kids to fend for themselves, and it's not just white guys doing this. I've seen it way too many times. With that said, I believe you can be feminine without being a feminist. You can be independent and self-reliant without being a materialistic, self-absorbed, anti-family female. I'm not coming down on you, I just want to make sure you have an understanding of our situation.
Twinkie
Thursday, January 03, 2002 at 10:56:34 (PST)
Guys:
I think that we have finally gotten our first post from Alex Chang... ERR... Hawkins
Annapolis/Harvard Law Graduate
Thursday, January 03, 2002 at 10:56:10 (PST)
ABC Princess,
personally I don't think most men our generation, regardless or race, really wish our wives to be submissive and traditional. Heck, I don't think many care. All they wish for is a loving, kind, and gentle person. My mother's a good example of this. She's a software engineer with an MS degree and on almost equal footing as my father. They have seperate accounts and to this day, my mother still retains her maiden name. Some of my parent's peers as well as my friends consider that a loveless marriage, but they've been together some 30 years, much longer than some other, more traditional marriages. The way I see it, as long as love is there, much of the logistical issues will take care of themselves. Therefore, you need not carry a battleaxe with you everytime you meet a good man, asian or otherwise.
Thanks,
Kevin Yang
Thursday, January 03, 2002 at 10:14:23 (PST)
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