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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:07 PM)
70% outmarriage rate for Asian Americans? NO. it's more like 30%outmarriage rate. Get your figures straight, people.
TOHELLandBACK321
TOHELLandBACK321@aol.com
Thursday, February 28, 2002 at 15:02:35 (PST)
Astron35:
Sounds like you're in a tug of war with a tiger. I think it's going to cause you pain, I hope I am wrong.
Anything worth having is worth fighting for, however it takes two to tango.
Your wife must have or develop the same attitude about fighting to make it work or it simply won't work. Don't feel ashamed or embarrased to start over again in your search for happiness. If your wife insist on being alone then let her be. If you are losing a tug of war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets you arm !
man of many winters
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 08:47:21 (PST)
Astron35,
This is likely what happened. Your wife married you so that she could come to America and live the "good life". But after living with you and your daughter, she found out that living in America really isn't all that great, or that much better than what she had in China. Plus, she feels alienated culturally from you and your family, perhaps there are many cultural aspects she doesn't approve of.
So now she wants to return to China, especially since her curiousity with the Western world has been satisfied.
yap yap yap
Thursday, February 21, 2002 at 22:46:45 (PST)
Astron35, the Chinese will posture and play as many political angles as they can, but usually, they don't have the balls to do anything. Just look back at how they handled the downed spy plane.
I won't get started about gold digging families...
EsVegas
Thursday, February 21, 2002 at 20:42:05 (PST)
As an American male, I married a Chinese national and am finding that it is very rough to hold the marriage together. The problem is mainly between my wife and my 13 year old daughter. Jealousy is the main feelings on the part of my wife. Digging deeper, I am finding a direct relationship of the friction between my wife and my daughter to be mainly due to a personality disorder. I hate to give up on this relationship, but my wife constantly talks about going her own way if things don't change to her favor. She even mentions what business she would start WHEN she goes back to China to live. What am I to think or feel after hearing these constant comments?
Astron35
astron35@hotmail.com
Wednesday, February 20, 2002 at 13:34:02 (PST)
Careful Observer,
Actually, the majority of Asian Americans do marry other Asians. If you want, I can provide some links to prove this.
However, I'd like to know where you got the 70 percent Asian/non-Asian marriage figure.
B. Lee
Tuesday, February 19, 2002 at 21:25:43 (PST)
Careful observer:
70%? where did you find this figure? Sounds like either some interracial dating advocacy group made up a figure or it came out of the back pocket of your pants ... actually among Asian-Americans, outmarriage rate is highest among Japanese-Americans.
T.H. Lien
Sunday, February 17, 2002 at 19:37:56 (PST)
Most Asian men do NOT marry Asian women. In fact, the rate of interracial marriage for Asians of all types is, on average, about 70%.
I suspect that it is higher among the Koreans and Phillipinos (who have quite the notion of "white supremacy" in their heads), and lowest among the Chinese (who have a bit of a sense of superiority).
Do a bit of checking
Careful Observer
Sunday, February 17, 2002 at 07:47:37 (PST)
I guess I'll have to tell my former Asian clients that they are being idiots making money in the market. Also funds are preferred for stability and safety through diversification. FYI funds are part of the market. By "market" I assume you mean stock purchases. The correct term for that would be stock. Also the performance of the market tends to shift with economics.
Decon
Wednesday, January 09, 2002 at 14:59:13 (PST)
if there isn't enough trust in the relationship to share money, perhaps the marriage is a mistake.
if a girl must keep her own money separate because she feels that she cannot rely on her husband for security, perhaps she married the wrong husband.
i guess the only problem that remains is when both individuals are truly in love and there is mutual trust but both just have very different savings and spending philosophies...in such cases, communication is key, and a compromise should be made. keeping money separate just doesn't seem like the right solution.
penelope
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 15:12:04 (PST)
AA Guy who agrees with the White Guy,
Such venom! I'm not a feminist or feminazi, by the way. Know not to respond to you anymore. Take care!
Twinkie
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 13:09:42 (PST)
Decon,
Funds...not even half of them perform on par to the market. There is a risk of choosing underperformers.
That's why asian put all the cash in the sure thing CD and federally insured saving accounts.
AC dropout
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 12:48:53 (PST)
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