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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:07 PM)
Lou,
"...Western ideals of female independence contradicts the very notion of "to death us part" and is primary cultprit in the extremely high rate of divorce in Western society."
Obviously, the idea of "female independence" and "marital stability" don't go hand-in-hand in your mind. So I guess you either already have or are currently shopping for a dependent female who is unable to exist on her own in the wild cruel world outside her hearth-and-home comfort zone. That's some role-model you have chosen for your daughters to have, and I hope that you are independently wealthy to be able to dower them well because they will never be able to go out and make it on their own without a man (husband or father or sugar-daddy) to shelter, feed, and take care of their needs.
Now, you seem to be an intelligent person, so I will presume that somehow, you've gotten the idea of "traditional Asian values" mixed up in your mind with the more reasonable assumption of "female-doormat-wannabe".
Lou, Independence is a favored trait that should be cultivated in all females of all races and should not be confused with other just-as-favored traits such as loyalty and self-respect. A loyal woman will never leave her husband unless he has destroyed that loyalty by being disloyal to her. She will also have that self-respect to demand the loyalty needed to maintain the marriage (because it takes two committed people to keep a marriage together--you can't expect the woman to do it on her own willingness to become a doormat just to keep the relationship intact). And then there's the independent woman; she's the one who can stand up and hold a family together despite her husband's state of joblessness or deteriorating health problems. She's the one who will keep the creditor-hounds at bay and maintain a sheltered safe-haven for her family all-the-while keeping her wits about her and creating a small fortune out of next-to-nothing.
Lou, Teach your children well, and allow them to grow in all areas and not just the ones that will benefit only you in the short term.
MLK
Sunday, March 24, 2002 at 09:55:00 (PST)
It depends.
You can't make a generalization about the "quality of wife-ness" regarding any race or ethnicity. There are some WFs who are wonderful wives (who have beautiful marriages and will celebrate golden anniversaries) and there are some that dang hoes who will skank-ass their way through 5 marriages and 5 kids from 5 different husbands. Likewise, there are some AFs who are loving, caring, devoted wives (who will keep the promise of "till death do us part") and there are some that are gold-digging, materialistic, I'll-leave-you-when-the-money-runs-out wives. There are some WFs that are gold-diggers and there are some AFs that are skanks. There are some WFs and AFs that are both gold-diggers and skanks.
The point is, you cannot confound "person" with "race". Just because you observe AFs being obedient little wifeys does not meant that there aren't career-minded AFs who don't give a shit about children.
I don't think that this forum will ever reach a definitive conclusion. You know why? Because you cannot make any frickin' generalizations. There is too much variety. Accept the exceptions, you won't find a pattern.
Can't generalize
Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 00:25:45 (PST)
I think the perception of Asian wives as being better "marriage" material still holds true. And, to the extent that disillusionment is surfacing can be attributed to your skewed definition of AsianAm women. AsianAm women who adhere to traditional Asian values are more likely to be much better wives than AsianAm women who have immersed themselves in Western tradition. Western ideals of female independence contradicts the very notion of "to death us part" and is primary cultprit in the extremely high rate of divorce in Western society.
Lou
LTrackman01
Sunday, March 17, 2002 at 12:05:42 (PST)
Decon,
By "market" I mean the bench market in which respective performance vehicle will be judge against at the end of the year. Such as the index for stocks. If a stock fund cannot perform as well as the index, yes you were pretty stupid to invest in it, because any idiot could have just bought the index fund.
Since I don't actively take part in my investments anymore and let a financial do it for me instead. But if he is unable to give advise to at least perform as well as the standard benchmark for that particluar market (i.e. bond, stock, money market, mutual fund, etc.). I switch brokers.
And yes many of my peers have already considered themselves stupid for not protecting themselves against loss capitalization of their portfolio in the past couple years.
AC Dropout
Thursday, March 14, 2002 at 12:26:28 (PST)
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