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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:06 PM)
Well first of all, let me make it clear that I'm not yet married since I'm only 20 years of age. My opinion and insight may be partially biased but maybe I have some good points. Anyway, the question asks whether Asian American wives are living up to the high expectations or if they're shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives. I think it all depends on who you end up with. You can't say ALL AA wives are the same. Some are more money-driven, some are more flirty, some are more sensitive and considerate, etc. It just really depends. Some grow up with the same features most AA men associate with AA women, and some just simply do not. The same goes for why some are so scandalous and why some just can't stand the sight or mention of sexually explicit material. This is universal; diversity is universal. The only difference is the set of stereotypical aspects associated with each culture. Not all AA women fit the description of the typical AA female, nor does all AA men fit the description of the typical AA male. Some simply refuse to follow tradition and some find it more promising to do so. It's all a matter of character and personality. And that's something beyond our control.
T5Soul
masedaddy82@hotmail.com
Monday, April 22, 2002 at 02:33:09 (PDT)
okay, first of all, i'm a ABA woman. second-generation, Second of all, i'm married to a white american male. i do not care about money and status, although it does help to have both. when we plan to have kids, i plan to either A) stay home and work and take care of kids because they should be looked after by parents not by babysitters. B)i'm finding a career which i could stay home and work and take care of family when the time comes, or work just part time to spend more time with kids because that is very important to me! C)my husband is a better cook than i am and i give him credit more than he gives me. D)i clean because he will not clean except taking out the trash!!! so stop the high expectations crap and sterotypes of Asian american women! we are not all alike. we have different lives!!!
whatever
Sunday, April 21, 2002 at 19:17:40 (PDT)
to Kohana Au
"...she became an aggressive, money hungry, violent B****. She lies and cheats me at every turn."
That's so sad! I hope that you don't feel all women are like that. There are some good ones out there. You just have to spend more time understanding them before you marry them. You now have a daughter. Any negative attitudes you display about women will be absorbed by her. Be sensitive to this as you would not want to inadvertently teach her that women are shallow creatures with nothing good about them. This is simply not true and would only perpetuate the situation onto another generation.
Good luck in trying to find your happiness.
MLK
Tuesday, April 16, 2002 at 23:14:18 (PDT)
People, and women are the same all over the world. I married a Philippina and at first it was wonderful...but before the ink dried on the Marriage Certificate she became an aggressive, money hungry, violent B****. She lies and cheats me at every turn. My finances have been depleted and I stay at home and care for our daughter while she does...as she says "whatever she wants." I have become the slave and servant...which won't last long. My advice...don't give up and try to find the right one for you...if there is such a thing!
Kohana Au
Saturday, April 13, 2002 at 10:56:58 (PDT)
Astron35,
I am curious as to how you meet this woman from China? Sounds like a real tough juggling act to harmonize these two relationships.
But I would say take care of your daugther first. If things are not meant to work out with this woman, it's useless to hold on a relationship that could come in harms way with your own daugther. A bad marriage can be divorced, but ralationship with child is forever.
concerned AM
Thursday, March 28, 2002 at 06:43:33 (PST)
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