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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:04 PM)
To WM w/AA wife that has no sex drive...
I just want to point out that you should ignore all those who are taunting you and trying to make you feel like crap for respecting your wife's wishes to save sex until marriage. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong w/that and if you are true Christians (which it sounds like some of these people aren't!!) you made the right choice. You marry someone out of love, not for sex. Sure, sex is expected in a marriage...nothing wrong w/that but as a Christian, sex shouldn't even be considered prior to marriage! Or have these people all forgotten that!? And I might add, for all those negative people out there, that if more people would hold this view, we wouldn't have as many people catching STDs and HIV every year!! Also, we wouldn't have all these illegitimate babies and kids running around wondering where their daddy is!! I say to all virgins (male and female alike), keep up the good work, stay true to your beliefs and faith and may God bless you!!
CaliGirl
Sunday, June 30, 2002 at 03:31:07 (PDT)
WM with AA wife that has no sex drive,
Why don't you try anal as an alternative? Did your wife get raped by her father, siblings or relatives?
No Sex
Friday, June 28, 2002 at 20:44:14 (PDT)
WM stuck with AF and not getting laid:
After re-reading your posts, I narrow the causes to one or both of the following: (but I disclaim any legal liability. I'm not a recognized or certified medical or psychological professional.)
1)physical: she might have disease or infection in her vagina, bladder, etc., making intercourse painful
2)psychological: she might show some physical signs of being turned on, but somehow cannot enjoy sex or show ordinary orgasmic reflexes. Again, she has inhibitions about sex, enjoying sex or giving herself sexually.
If the cause is 1), your problem is a medical one, which can be fixed without difficulty. See her ob-gyn
2) is the likely cause. If the problem was physical, she would have shown her own concern, knowing your unhappiness, and tried to seek medical advice. Since she says there is "no problem" and resists counseling, perhaps she fears learning the truthy she might have suspected for long.
Something else ...I understand you're a Christian an all (I'm not), but there is something unusual about an adult woman, Asian or non-Asian, growing up in American society and maintaining virginity prior to marriage. The social pressure and temptation is too great for ordinary individuals to hold out that long. I've read on other boards about even guys remaining virgins. Frankly, I feel that these people are psychologically and perhaps physically messed up.
Idiot-savant
Friday, June 28, 2002 at 13:00:19 (PDT)
WM don't make real Christians look bad by claiming that you're Christian. First off, you share the most private details of your life on a public boards with strangers and look for advice from people who definitely are NOT Christian, from the lewd and callous advice they give you. A Christian would seek out true fellow brothers and sisters who he could confide in and help him and his wife solve this. Not go behind his wife's back and seek advice from strangers who's best advice is "if a girl doesnt have sex before marriage she's a piece of garbage send her to a psychologist or bring her into the mechanic and everything will be fixed". At first I thought possibly it was your wife issue either physically or emotionally. But now I see either you're the problem or a major part of it. I mean you're practically bragging about your manhood, "eager for me to make her a woman" or "Hell she keeps begging me to perform cunnilingus". I believe even if all your wife's issues are addressed they'll still be problems because of you. Who knows, next thing you'll be watching porn and complaing why your wife wont watch it too or act like a pornstar. I think your god has become sex. I feel sorry for your family, you, your wife, and your newborn child who needs a father who is mature and responsible to show him true love and friendship. Pray to God NOT luck to help you on the difficult journey to find the answers you need, not the quick and dirty answers of a polluted world. Im so sick of people claiming to be Christian distorting the true message of God.
Idolatry is where your god is sex
machvadertie@yahoo.com
Friday, June 28, 2002 at 11:21:32 (PDT)
Maybe you're just too much man for her. Could be worse.
Desslar
Friday, June 28, 2002 at 11:16:49 (PDT)
WM w/ wife with no se drive,
Damn, you had it coming son. That's why I think 'no sex before marriage' is bullshit. You should have done a better job screening out the weirdos. Too bad, now you have to deal with it. Good luck.
Too bad
Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 23:50:17 (PDT)
to WM with a AAF with no sex drive
Good luck. This psychological condition is actually curable.
MLK
Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 11:50:31 (PDT)
Idiot-savant:
What are your respective ages?
I'm 29, she's 27. I'm of Irish/French ancestry and she's of Chinese ancestry.
How did you meet her?
We met one morning at a StarBuck's, struck up a deep conversation and then we started dating. We did everything possible--went to church, took daytrips, went waterskiing, dancing, etc. During that time, she showed A LOT of attraction to me--lots of making out, petting, body rubs, etc. Everything but intercourse. She was even eager for the honeymoon and for me to "make her a woman."
Do you share values and interests with her?
We are both Christians. We both like mountain biking, camping, going to the movies, browsing the bookstores and travel. We even attended a ballroom dancing class together and had a blast. Overall, I'd say we are eachothers' best friends.
As far as your comments, I think #1 is wrong because she gave birth to a 7 lb baby six months ago, but maybe something didn't heal right or maybe something wasn't right since this problem began long before we were expecting our baby. #2 is possible, but given her eagerness prior to our weddning night, I doubt it. #3 is amlost impossible because during foreplay, I am checking on her. She is self-lubricating and responding physically. A woman can fake moans and undulation, but she can't fake vaginal ballooning and lubrication.
Like I said, everything leading up to intercourse is fine--there's the proper physiological response and she seems happy. Hell, she keeps on begging me to perform cunnilingus on her, which I do with alacrity. It's just that when it comes to insertion of my manhood, it'll go maybe an inch or two in (VERY SLOWLY I might add) but then she says "It hurts." or "It doesn't feel right." and then twists her body so I slip out, frustrated while she apologizes and runs to the bathroom.
After reading some of the other suggestions made by the board posters, I think that an appointment with her ob-gyn is in order, though I think some counseling wouldn't hurt either.
Wish me luck.
WM with AA wife that has no sex drive
Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 11:06:06 (PDT)
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