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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:04 PM)
Census taker:
oops, my bad. Jews? that one actually surprises me ...
saving it:
I am Catholic myself and I support the church's position on this issue. just that right now Christians in America have given no thought to how this actually gets implemented among young people aside from extended haranguing from the pulpit. maybe it is something in society's attitude towards kids, even university students, which reinforces kids' own irresponsibility. Back in the day, kids who had just gone through puberty got married and lived up to the responsibility of building a life for each other. Now most people don't even think a 16 year old can take responsibility to do his homework on his own, and it's reflected everywhere. obviously we can't go back to such a social model, but it's interesting to compare ...
and of course there would be no STD epidemic in America if people only had one sex partner their entire life. how to convince people to do that?
T.H. Lien
Friday, July 12, 2002 at 17:22:46 (PDT)
to Census Taker & TH Lien
I guess us non-Christians are doing OK, divorce-wise then, huh?
MLK
Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 20:55:09 (PDT)
T.H. Lien:
I agree that the divorce rate in America is ridiculous. However, what I've noticed is that many people get married on a whim and don't seem to take it too serious. It also seem that as soon as they get into an argument, many people don't even try to work it out...they simply leave. I think this is a high reason for a lot of divorces, unfortunately. Yes, you are right that back in the day people did get married at younger ages but what I'm saying to Idiot Savant is that he's making it sound like "waiting" means you are some kind of nut or psychopath. This just isn't true. It's just some peoples' beliefs and for him (or her, whatever) to insult people b/c of this makes me think this person just thinks w/their urges and not their brain. And I do still emphasize that there wouldn't be as many people w/STDs and HIV if more people abstained until marriage. There's no way around arguing this one. We'd still have people catching HIV from drug injections and possible tainted blood supplies but the numbers would be a lot lower.
Saving It
Monday, July 08, 2002 at 21:38:44 (PDT)
TH Lien:
Actually, you're wrong.
Roman Catholics have the highest divorce rate, followed by Jews, then Southern Baptists.
Census Taker
Monday, July 08, 2002 at 06:23:47 (PDT)
Saving it:
Trouble is, in the distant past, guys and girls got married soon after reaching puberty. Spending maybe 1 or 2 years controlling their biological urges, with the aid of heavy pressure from society. Now age of menarche is as young as 7 and 8 in some girls. But everyone wants to wait until their late 20s or early 30s to get married, for the sake of the career.
With God all things are possible. But God works through people. And people aren't exactly doing much hard thinking to solve this problem. Christians in the US have been totally unable to promote a social model which follows the Bible and the clear principle of saving one's self for marriage, while accounting for the realities of society and the failures of earlier theologies of sex and marriage. Getting married at an earlier age and accusing people who hold off their marriage to get their careers started as being subservient to Mammon hasn't helped. We go on and on about how saving yourself until marriage results in a stronger marriage, while ignoring the fact that Christians have divorce rates something like 50% higher than the national average. Southern Baptists have the highest divorce rate in the country.
T.H. Lien
Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 18:05:24 (PDT)
Idiot-savant...
Do you really know what you sound like? To actually say that "The social pressure and temptation is too great for ordinary individuals to hold out that long. I've read on other boards about even guys remaining virgins. Frankly, I feel that these people are psychologically and perhaps physically messed up." What you are saying is that people SHOULDN'T hold on to their faith, their beliefs in morality. What kind of person are you to judge virgins?? I think it is very admirable for these people to hold out. And I know many people who now say they wish they had. You stated that you weren't a Christian. This is obvious. It's difficult to be a Christian and a Ho at the same time!! So what you are saying, essentially, is that if society is doing it and it's tempting...go ahead, nothing wrong w/it. Even if you're not a Christian, you should grab a Bible and check out the chapters on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrha.
Saving It
Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 14:57:52 (PDT)
WM with AA wife that has no sex drive
You should do whatever makes both of you happy (whether see psychiatrist,ob/gyn, etc...); I know its hard for a man to be happy if a marriage does not turn out to be what you expected. Try to work things through. I'm sure that are alot of positives in your relationship. Try to open up her mind, try new unstressful things. Sex should be natural to all of us (regardless of race).
NotNowHoney
Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 11:17:23 (PDT)
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