|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:51:03 PM)
Hank Lewis...
What I am saying is just that it's going to happen and you need to teach your child how to deal w/it b/c no matter how upset you get, it's not going to change. Sure, people can't say those things in the newspapers or on TV...or even at work but these things are still said in school and at parties, etc. that your child will be attending. I am no longer that sensitive to it and I'm just saying that if you are that sensitive, perhaps you should have reconsidered what you'd be putting your children thru if you were to have them w/someone not of your own nationality. Again, I'm not saying it's "right", I'm merely saying you could have prevented it.
Must get used to it
Tuesday, October 01, 2002 at 21:27:29 (PDT)
[63.233.25.82]
Must Get Used to It:
"Perhaps if you are that sensitive about how people will refer to your child, you shouldn't have had a mixed child."
Excuse me, but you do not make my life choices for me. Just like you have a right to exist as a mixed person WITHOUT being harassed, so does my own daughter. HOW DARE YOU, as a mixed person even say such a thing. Where is your brain???
"Did you honestly NOT expect this??"
Yes I expected to deal with such idiocy, but do you think I'm going to take that lying down? To me, calling someone of mixed ethnicity a "hybrid" would be just like them calling me a "cracker" or calling you a "Chink", "Half-Chinaman" or any other slur in the book. Yeah, they can say it and it can come out of their mouth, but if those individuals think that I will let it pass without getting into their faces, then they have another thought coming.
Through the efforts of the Black Caucus and other Civil Rights groups, words such as the N-Bomb, "Colored", "Chinaman", "Wetback" and so forth have become speech that can get people into a boatload of legal trouble. Words like "half-breed", "hybrid" or other such insulting language in use towards mixed people need to be next on the list of UNPROTECTED SPEECH. In other words, say or print it at your own risk.
If African Americans just told themselves that they "must get used to it" and didn't stand up for themselves and not put up with the continual use of the N-bomb, hateful language and so forth, they wouldn't have made the progresses they have in the past century. That's not to say there's not more work to be done.
In the same way, Mixed People, and their parents, need to stand up and say We will not put up with this crap!!!
Do you understand me NOW???
Hank Lewis
Wednesday, September 25, 2002 at 11:56:43 (PDT)
[161.159.4.35]
Hank Lewis
I didn't make the comment about "hybrids" but I think you are taking this just a little too seriously. I don't agree w/ther usage of the term either and I am mixed. But you may as well get used to it, your child will go thru that all her life. Just teach her how to deal w/it b/c you can't force people to change their terminologies, no matter how idiotic they may be. Perhaps if you are that sensitive about how people will refer to your child, you shouldn't have had a mixed child. Then you wouldn't have anything to worry about. Did you honestly NOT expect this?? Again, I'm not saying it's right but I'm saying you made your bed and now you must lie in it and just learn how to deal w/it like I did. She has much, much more of this in store for her in the future.
Must get used to it
Wednesday, September 25, 2002 at 00:11:47 (PDT)
ABC to a BAC:
I thoroughly resent the use of the word "hybrids" in describing people of mixed ethnicity. Hybrids describe the combining of two SEPARATE AND DISTINCT SPECIES. Raspberries and Blueberries are different species of berry. You cross pollenate a raspberry plant with blueberry pollen and you get a boysenberry. You cross a male donkey with a female horse you get a mule. Hybrids often don't have the same number of chromosomes and cannot reproduce as a result, like mules or tigons (cross between a lion and a tiger).
Caucasians, Africans and Asians are not different species, but they are all the same species--they are all Homo Sapiens. They are not different species like Cromagnons, Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens are different species.
My daughter is EurAsian. She is not a hybrid but is fully human, just like you or anybody else who posts in this forum. While you may choose to not date or marry transethnically, that is your business. However, you need to watch your phraseology when using such words as "hybrid" to describe your fellow man and woman who are of mixed ethnicity.
Hank Lewis
Monday, September 23, 2002 at 13:33:51 (PDT)
As an American Born Chinese (ABC), I find Asian women to be a PAIN IN THE BUTT!!!
But, why do I love them? Because, eventually, I want a family. I want my kids to look like me...Chinese. I don't want hybrids for kids (mixed kids).
Reason No. 2 on why I love Asian women: We come from the same background, culture, etc. Are they any prettier than other races? No, nothing more...nothing less.
I used to sell-out, sure! It wasn't until later in life that I went from an ABC to a BAC (Born Again Chinese). Now, with my fiancee, there are so many things that we don't need to explain or to express to each other. We simply know and understand each other because we both came from Chinese households. She's from San Francisco. I'm from New York. We grew up 3000 miles apart from each other. Yet, we're as close as anything! We totally understand each other.
BTW, tracing back our family's roots (father's side of the family), our ancestors lived only about an hour away from each other in Canton. :) Pretty cool, huh?
ABC to a BAC
Saturday, September 14, 2002 at 07:39:54 (PDT)
curious girl,
"but if there is just no hope in saving the relationship, I think it's best to divorce."
Hard to say what "no hope" when it comes to relationship. Some relationships are in a state of denial and they never divorce.
AC Dropout
Monday, September 09, 2002 at 13:02:33 (PDT)
AC Dropout,
I do agree with you that the American mindset is often one of immediate self-gratification. I think this is a natural by-product of an extremely consumer-based culture.
I also agree with you that those who divorce do not necessarily lead happier lives. Scientific research has shown that those who are married and stay married live longer and are generally healthier than their divorced counterparts. I know people that have gone through horrible and messy divorces, and then gone through years of depression, only to try to start dating again at the age of 50. I agree that a good relationship or family often takes a lot of hard work and patience, but if there is just no hope in saving the relationship, I think it's best to divorce.
curious girl
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 08:03:52 (PDT)
T.H. Lien,
From a bateria or virus point of view, human mortality rate is not a factor to their survival. We are its food or factory where their reproduction can occur. That would be a Nobel Prize winning conclusion, if one could prove bacteria had consciousness and could formulate goals.
As for evolving into less virlent forms. Those studies are already being conducted on multi resistent strain of bactia. Since it is becoming obvious we are losing on the antibiotic front with each passing year, and every 10,000 generation of a bacteria.
The point being these diseases developement are independent of morality, such as polygamy.
AC Dropout
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at 10:24:50 (PDT)
[One must understand that these vectors are organism which can evolve with their environment. Hence, if infection was not transmitted through bodily fluids. The organisms would eventually evolve into air borne contagens. This is a simple fact of life and all organism will find a method of procreation.]
well, then we have an unusual tradeoff. if a disease's usual vector is quite readily available, it can afford to be quite virulent, since there's not as much selective pressure against killing your host quickly and painfully. but if its usual vector is unavailable (e.g. cholera being killed by water treatment plants) or not often available (AIDS in a population which doesn't have much unprotected sex), it either has to evolve into a less virulent form so it's host is healthy enough to go around spreading it to lots of people, or it has to adapt to some new vector. or find a way around whatever is blocking the present vector.
T.H. Lien
Monday, July 15, 2002 at 17:38:30 (PDT)
T.H. Lien,
The vector of STD and rate infection is not really directly related to monogamy. Since the the parasytic relation of the organism to humans have to start at some level. It is false to believe that if the we practice monogamy that STD like Herpes and HIV would not spread.
One must understand that these vectors are organism which can evolve with their environment. Hence, if infection was not transmitted through bodily fluids. The organisms would eventually evolve into air borne contagens. This is a simple fact of life and all organism will find a method of procreation.
I think the key reason why we see a high divorse rate among American is that we are constantly exposed to the concept of instant gratification. This unfortunately also applied to our emotional satisfaction and family life. If an action does not instantly gratify us, we naturally assume that something is wrong. Very few mainstream Americans think that when something is wrong, that work is require on their part to fix it. The concept of longterm investing on family life is a very rare concept indeed in America. It is a lot easier in most American minds to hire a lawyer and proceed with a clean divorces to statisfy their need for instant gratification.
Actually there was a report of a new study to show that divorces do not lead to happier new lives for individuals. But the report is sponsored by the 700 Club. So I not sure how unbiased it can be.
AC Dropout
Monday, July 15, 2002 at 06:35:10 (PDT)
TH Lien:
Just saw your reply. Thanks for the input!!
Saving It
Sunday, July 14, 2002 at 23:12:51 (PDT)
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|