ASIAN FEMALE/ AFRICAN AMERICAN MALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)

Assuming you are an Asian female, what most attracts you to African American males?
Their facial features | 45%
Their physique | 12%
Their attitude and personality | 32%
Their education & cultural values | 11%

Assuming you are an Asian female, what most dissuades you from relations with African American males?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 1%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 13%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 64%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family. | 23% 		Assuming you are an African American male, what most attracts you to Asian females?
Their facial features | 62%
Their physique | 13%
Their attitude and personality | 15%
Their education & cultural values | 10%

Assuming you are an African American male, what most dissuades you from relations with Asian females?
I don't find them physically attractive. | 1%
I don't find their personalities and attitudes appealing. | 6%
I don't think they would find me attractive. | 81%
I'd rather not deal with the disapproval of family and friends. | 12%

Hi Chaps,

I am a Chinese lady born and brought up in London, England. I think the Media contributes a lot to the perception that black males are bad and so on!

if they are that bad, one must surely wonder how comes they are always with some of the most beautiful and Intelligent women here in London (England). seeing is believing. Please chaps, you must come to London and see it for yourself!

I nearly made the biggest mistake of my life by not marrying my husband he is black of Nigerian parentage) due to my family and peer pressure. we met while we were at Oxford University. My family are ok about it now since we have kids, my mum even sometimes look after the kids while we go to Klosters for the weekend!

Even though he comes from an extremely wealthy and educated family, my family still refused to accept the fact that am going to marry a black chap!

After reading several posts from the forumites, below are my opinions!

1. there are bad and good in every races

2. The vast majority of us Asians(female) considered WHITE men as good as gold..even if they are trashy and sleazy. why do you think there are so many Asians female with White men?? (poor Asian men)

3. one must not think that its a big deal to have an Asian lady as a partner
p.s read some of the posts by some black men!

4. Eveyone should be look upon as an individual rather than categorising the whole black race (men)

Also, if you chaps should take time to visit London West End, especially during the Notting Hill Carnival or Portobello in West London, there are so many Black and Asian couple and the vast majority of the Asian females with black chaps are Japanese and Korean ladies some with Afro, braids and plaits.

One must surely think before making an utterly stupid remarks about black chaps looking thuggish while so many White and Asian kids emulate this so called thuggish looks especially in London!

So many White and Asian kids dresses up like black, speak like black and even while driving blasting out rap and hip-hop music.

Cheers!
Lan Lee Macauley    Wednesday, August 07, 2002 at 08:52:21 (PDT)
Brother Blackanese
The only point that you proved here (and to me still are) is that either you aren't reading all the posts throughly, or you just refuse to, or don't fully understand the scope of the issues being discussed. You say that you're not attacking asian women, but you always seems "hell bent" on "negativly" highlighting Claire as if she is the object of your personal tyranny. As I recall you saw fit to post your opinions about the japanese culture and your experiences, which unfortunately haven't been all positive. Claire responded with her views "only after" you stated that most asians were "racist" in your post. And you admitted that you said that. Just like you responded to the image issue, but whether you like it or not some brothers do in fact have an image problem, and it affects us all! There were also other posts from other brothers here talking about that same issue...did you also read their's? And if so then why aren't you directing your anger at them also? But here you are "still" beating this horse to death, and you're making yourself look very immature....let it go. Move on!
Bo Bo    Wednesday, August 07, 2002 at 01:28:30 (PDT)
Bo Bo and T.B.
The whole topic started when Claire said that MOST Black men have a negative image problem. Now maybe the way I responded was wrong because it was out of anger but do you agree that most of us are bad? I mean c'mon you are black , right? Now I would be a fool to sit up there and say yes Most of us are negative and wrong. No one wants to look at it from that standpoint. Everyone is saying that the asian women here are being bashed. So they can stereotype black men and it's no problem but the minute I stick up for my brothas I'm the enemy. I am not bashing asian women here because I wouldn't be here if I didn't like them but I refuse to sit here and keep hearing that not all but MOST black men are negative, because the media has already portrayed us as that and if you sit back and don't say anything you are continuing to let people think that and then you are no better. I respect everyone's opinion but if you don't want to be stereotyped don't do it to others.
blknz    Wednesday, August 07, 2002 at 00:31:52 (PDT)
To everybody:

In many of the posts I have read here, I have come across many instances of Asian parents objecting to their son or daughter getting involved with Blacks. It has been my experience that the Black parents can often be as adamantly opposed to their son or daughter getting involved with Asians and other races for that matter.

As a young boy in Nigeria, I knew a neighborâs son who came to the US to study for a PhD. While he was in graduate school, he met a fellow graduate student from the Philippines and they fell in love. Eventually, they got married and returned to Nigeria. When their son returned home with a Filipina wife in tow, the Nigerian parents blew up and started insisting that their son should get rid of the Filipina lady and find himself a wife locally. But the son flatly refused to do what his family demanded. Things got to the point where the Nigerian started threatening to walk out for good if his family is not willing to accept his Filipina wife.

At this point, one of the older males in extended family stepped in and offered the following counsel, ăLeave the two young people alone. If theirs is a marriage which not meant to be, it will fall apart on its own without any interference from usä On that note, the Nigerian and his Filipina wife were left alone. That was about 30 years ago, and the two of them are still very much together after all these years and have raised five kids.

Another Nigerian I know was sent by his parents to the UK to study Medicine. While he was in medical school, he met and fell in love with yet another lady from the Philippines, who was a fellow medical student. Eventually, they both finished their studies and got married. After graduation, they were both admitted to the School of Surgery for additional years of studies that will make the Nigerian husband an orthopedic surgeon and his Filipina wife a pediatric surgeon.

In the meantime, the Nigerian took his Filipina wife home to introduce her to his family. But the Nigerian parents were not happy at all when they saw who their son has married. The Nigerian father swore he was going to disown his son. While the Nigerian mother became so distraught that she started threatening to commit suicide if her son does not ăchase awayä his Filipina wife.

In this instance too, the Nigerian husband stood firmly by his Filipina wife and refused to dump her in the face of his parentsâ dire threats. The Nigerian told his parents, ăEver since I was a small child, you have always taught me that I must always be fair and just in my dealings with other people. I married this woman for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer· etc. Now that I have consummated the marriage, you are asking me to get rid of her due to not fault whatsoever on her part. Where is the fairness in that etc? How would you feel if another man treated your daughter in the same manner you are asking me to treat this woman here? As much as I love and respect you, my conscience will not allow me to this thing you are asking of meä

Eventually, the Nigerian parents were able to swallow their misgivings. That was twenty-seven years ago. In this instance too, the Nigerian and his Filipina wife are still very much together and have managed to raise four kids. Their eldest child, 25-year-old Maria Cristina or ăMaricrisä is now a Pediatrician, just like her mother.

In the cases that I have cited above, once the Nigerian families got to know their Filipina daughter-in-laws better, they came to embrace them as highly respected family members.

Also, at the beginning of each marriage, the Filipino sides of the ladies families have no trouble accepting a Nigerian son-in-law. The objections all came from the Nigerian families.

This has been a rather long post. But I have tried to be as brief as possible.

Peace to all
Sam Obi    Tuesday, August 06, 2002 at 22:26:12 (PDT)
Well, I do have to ask...why would an asian woman come here to post that she doesn't care to date black men? This particular forum is for those that have had SUCCESSFUL relationships. True, everyone is entitled to their opinion as I mentioned before, but if u aren't interested in black men, why post something here? It really doesn't make sense, and obviously someone was going to feel upset by what was said.
T.B.    Tuesday, August 06, 2002 at 17:19:07 (PDT)
T.B. I agree with you about this "downward spiral" and you know I'm really dissapointed because I came to this site for two reasons.
One: I recently met a wonderful asian lady, and I'm trying to get to better understand both, her culture, our differences, and our developing relationship. However we're still only at the begining of that process. And my thinking was maybe we both could gain some insight from others here who have been down that road already could help us facilitate that process far better!
Two: I don't care if other black men here who read this get upset about this statement, but I was sick and tired of going to black sites and not even being able (so it seemed) to engage in a decent, reasonable conversation without all the nonsense, pettiness, swearing, and overall general disrespect!
She suggested that we come here (I didn't know it existed) to
view other individuals opinions and thoughts. What a big mistake that was! As we have been continually reading all this ....I don't even know what to call it at this point, however it's very negative, racist, nasty, and generally very distrubing commentary!
It's not helping our relationship one bit, in fact it has really hurt it. I can't blame her for her feelings when she says, "I didn't realize that a lot of black men felt that way about (lack of respect) for asian women's opinions". As a matter of fact she doesn't even come here anymore to read the comments....and I really don't blame her at all.
Michael    Tuesday, August 06, 2002 at 15:26:22 (PDT)
Blackanese!

Number one: Why is that you can use the term "most" when talking about black men. but asian women are attacked when they use the exact same terminology? Double standards perhaps?

Number Two: Yes, you overeacted (you snapped terribly) and I totally agree with you on that point! But also I'm proud that you were man enough to admit that.

Number Three: You complain so critically about japanese culture and how they (the japanese) react to black men, and the image issue, "and how japanese women date white men. Then, if that's the case then that's their choice...let it go. You sound to me like your really bitter because of that, then you turn right aound and say that you also have a japanese GF. Sorry, but that confuses me!

Number Four: I would recommend that you go back and reread your posts, and then read the posts of brothers Juan, Jon, and Six Ten Black Male, and yes even read Claire's again. You don't have to agree but just maintain an open mind. You're still on the attack whether you want to accept that observation or not, and I'm not here to cross swords with you my brother, but the image problem is real, but like you too say not as it applies to all.
Bo Bo    Tuesday, August 06, 2002 at 14:28:11 (PDT)

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