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POLL & COMMENTS
ASIAN MALE/ BLACK FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:39:10 AM
to reflect the 100 most recent valid responses.)
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Thanh,
Sorry to say this and God forbid this should happen...what if the baby wasn't normal. What if he or she had a birth defect? Much less such a silly thing as skin color. Would you still love it as if that baby was still your baby or shun it as if he/she was just a reject? A Parent's love is unconditional and I hope you remember that.
Big Dave
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 at 12:46:29 (PDT)
I have a question for the post.
I have been dating a Chinese man for 1 year and we plan to be married as soon as all the paper work and red tape is prepared.
I do not have any doubts about our relationship and as far as his family is concerned, I am totally accepted as a college educated African American female who wants something out of life. My family has disowned me but that is OK. My question is at times I think my boyfriend feels I am trying to hard, but I do not mean to. What I mean is that I follow the traditions of his culture and read everything there is to know about China. I noticed lately that he wants to talk about my culture more and more. I explain but I think he feels I am not comfortable talking about my culture. When I talk about how I want to help the Asian community in every way that I can, or that I would not mind adopting some children from China as well as having ours one day he always tells me that no culture is better than the other. Am I trying too hard? I just want to understand everything so that when we are married I can cross-culture our relationship.
Any suggestions?
XLee YMC19674234@aol.com
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 at 12:17:00 (PDT)
Guy From the South:
It is very hard to pursue a relationship that you parents are obviously against. It is encouraging that you have stood fast and remained in the relationship despite such familial resistance. And of course it is truly abominable that your parents cannot even see past your girlfriends skin color and race.
I suspect you would have received less static if she had been Caucasian or Hispanic. Whatever the ultimate outcome, I hope that your relationship brings you happiness despite your parentâs disapproval, and can only hope that they may eventually get to know and perhaps even appreciate your girlfriend more.
Anonâs Dispensary
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 at 07:07:13 (PDT)
To: Why? perhaps examine Ray, and Others/
I fully agree 100% that some women came down much too hard on Ray. I also feel that he should be able to say his feelings without being hounded about it. But, hasn't this has already been discussed and established? Why is there still bitterness and such anger expressed by you? It seems like certain people want to come on here and conflict and argue. This is a forum for Asian Men/Black Women relationships. If you want to be combative and rude, and argumentive it would be nice to take it someplace else. I am not trying to be bossy, and tell people where they should be and where they should not be. I just feel that some of these negative angry people are probably not even Asian Men or Black Women and probably come on here to just cause big rifts between the two...because they are against these sort of pairings. These people could most likely be AngryBlack men who feel dissed by Black women choosing Asian Men. Or perhaps white supremacist. Or maybe even someone who just likes to prank and be nasty, because they are also against these type of relationships for their own personal reasons. And even remember that Nubian Goddess stuff? It is examples such as these we should all be mindful of. We should perpetuate positivity towards Asian Men who dig Black Women and likewise. Because this interracial pairing is a beautiful and wonderful thing. We should not just sit and pick it apart. Does any Black Women and Asian Men on here have any POSITIVE things to say about their interracial relationship experience? Or for those of us who are in this sort of relationship pairing, what positive things have you learned from it? Asian Men, what attracted you to your mate?
To those of you who are against these Asian men/Black women relationships? Your going to have to deal with it. It may be rare to some of you. But it is not such HUGE rarity as you think, and it is not a trend. So stop hating. I am in a committed relationship with an Asian man, and there are many others out there to. Interracial relationships will be on this earth until forever. There is nothing that any of you who are against it, can do about it.
(Yes its a long post, but its quite necessary :)
perpetual bloom...
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 at 06:59:31 (PDT)
Response to Any Way You Cut it:
I cannot help but agree with your statement, "the terms Asian American and African American carry significant aesthetic and philosophic resonance" and perhaps sums up my previous post much more succinctly.
These labels are much deeper than being "politically correct". It is about acknowledging our Americaness in a country that refused to see many African Americans as human as well as viable citizens for a very long time. Moreover, it recognizes the remnants of our ancestors and a lost history.
Asian American is appropriate since it covers the whole gamut of Asian ethnicities and nationalities, without dehumanizing their individuality or allegiance to this country.
Anon
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 at 06:56:59 (PDT)
u know as a black woman i can say the same for asian men...most i have met treated me like crap they were liars and cheats..but i do not blame all of them and say that they are all bad and therefore no more dating of asian men...but i find in pennsylvania like in philadelphia ..they are hard to come by....most are not open-minded and if they are they date white or asian women. I do not know if this has to do with culture or what..but i will tell u one thing..if it is..i beat out most asians in knowing about their cultural history..ppl would just be surprised ..it is ashame that most look at colour first rather than education or integrity....
aoi-chan sushiXcaliber@aol.com
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 23:37:29 (PDT)
Well I would just like to comment on one issue about black women. It just depends on where they are raised and how they are taught as a child. I do believe that not all black women do play around it's probably them meeting the wrong guys and getting hurt. In return they try to play other guys and making the guys hurt so they feel my relieved and less stress. For one thing when I watched a glimpse of American Idol that girl CHRISTINA is one HOT African American. I was blown away by her voice and performance and the way she speaks. I wish there were more girls like her. She was definitely raised in a well mannered family. So like I said it depends on how we are usually raised and taught in our environment so why not take another stap at it.
Richard
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 21:37:43 (PDT)
CaliGirl
Most blacks that I know are not offended when people think that they are American black they simply correct them like normal people do and tell them where they are from.
Also Blacks that ended up in different parts of the world do not deny being of African decent. It is usually black Americans who try to distance themselves for being African decent.
In America color is more important than ethnicity which is why blacks here are so screwed up that they either buy the one drop rule or they start this multiculural or tritranscultural stuff when in the end it is the heritage that should be celebrated. It is too bad people don't see the beauty in who they are. It is good for these people to be alone until they gain confidence in themselves.
Black is OK
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 15:29:56 (PDT)
Well my friend if you want to believe that white woman are more trust worthy than black women then why are you here on this board? If I felt as passionatly as you do about Asian males being liars I simply would not patronize a section that supports relations between the too.
It is unfortunate that you feel that black women are the bottom of the barrel, but since I am, half black I have to take offense to that statement.
You sound like you need to do a little examination of yourself. I hope that you aren't dating you do not sound healthy enough to be in a relationship with anyone.
There are women in every race groups that manipulate and lie, this is the same for men. I do not believe that all men are liars. I take responsiblity for the fact that I make a choice when I date someone and it doesn't go well. It is a two way street and you can't just conviently blame others without being responsible for your own behavior.
Why examine Ray? Examine you.
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 15:22:40 (PDT)
Thanh,
As I sat reading about your situation I really feel that's it's truly a shame that perhaps the future of your baby will largely be based on the color of it's skin. If, too dark then your family will have problems accepting it, even though you are the natural father. Also, "perhaps" your girlfriend may be wishing and hoping that your child won't be dark either so that your family will embrace it, and that her child will have a better shot at life too. That's not much different than when black women in slavery who were made pregnant by white men me lay awake praying to God wishing that the child within them was more "whitelike" when born, so that they too would hopefully have a better opportunity in their lives.
Doesn't appear that we've come very far.
It shouldn't matter what the skin color of your child is as it's a part of both of you, and nothing will ever change that fact! So, please love your child and be thankful that you were blessed with it's birth.
Pam
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 13:07:49 (PDT)
To: cool site=)
I felt somewhat sadden by both your comments to Thanh regarding the "color"
of his yet unborn baby, and also his concerns for the color of his child.
You can't assure Thanh that his child "won't" be "dark skinned" which apparently is of great concern to him. Just because his GF may not be dark. her father or mother may be dark skinned, or possibly even one or both of her grandparents. It's all about the gene pool, not just the color of the parents.
Personally, I was thinking that the most important issues here should be to have a loving relationship, and a family, and not to overly concerned as to the "color" of one's children.
It sad to me to think that people are still involved in the color mindset and not just thinking of the love that they share together. My concern is, what if the child is dark skinned? What then?
Ted
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 09:20:18 (PDT)
Response to Naturalist/botanist:
I do agree with your assessment and certainly do not believe that we should limit our preferences ãjust becauseä, for that could only lead to a kind racial fetish, that will often lead to disappointment.
Again, I agree that most people, especially with African and Asian pairings are not nearly as accepting, that is why it takes a strong person to whether the impending storm.
I wish you luck on your relationship and many days of happiness.
Anon
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 05:42:09 (PDT)
Response To Peace and Love:
I use the term African American precisely because I do not like the word black and its negative connotations. Black has always been used pejoratively, i.e., Black Sunday, dark despair, etc. Examples in literature and every day speech abound. The label African American is useful in my opinion, for it heralds our African origins and forgotten history, no matter how diluted they may be in the present state.
In addition, I use Asian American because it is more respectful then saying Oriental, a term that I heard other Asian Americans simply loathe.
I do not believe that using these terms are in any way promoting political correctness, but since this is a forum where we can state our views in an intelligent manner, than I do not see any reason not to use these albeit arbitrary labels, when discussing issues or opinions that are racial in nature.
Anon
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 05:35:28 (PDT)
"Everytime I hear a white dude or girl say "Asian American" in a conversation with me I cringe. I"ve heard that some black people feel weird when whites keep sayin African American a thousand times to them, like they're afraid to be real. Both words are clumsy and awkward. I say we should all be more casual (but respectful) toward each other on this forum. We're all family, right?"
Love and Peace, but lets be REAL too:
That's pure bulls***. You can call yourself, "darky," or whatever the hell you want and feel good about yourself, but to the rest of the world, the terms Asian American and African American carry significant aesthetic and philosophic resonance.
Bulls*** is Bulls***, Any Way You Cut It
Sunday, August 11, 2002 at 23:36:28 (PDT)
Trinidadians apparently have a highly admixture of West-Indian blood, along with some Negroid blood. In fact, many identify themselves as Indians. That's probably why you mistook her for a Latina, she obviously had significantly Caucasian features.
Info
Sunday, August 11, 2002 at 22:41:55 (PDT)
"You can stop dating black women if you desire and life will move on BUT if you do not change the way that you make your choices then you will find Asian women that play games, White woman that play game, Hispanic women that play games."
Why should Ray have to examine himself? Just because he said black women he'd met were liars and dishonest. Why do you have to include white women and other women in the mess that black women, according to Ray's experience, has shown to Ray. I get tired of black women trying to spread the blame on other women instead of being truthfull for once and saying, that black women do have a lot of liars and dishonest women. Black women are not perfect, but so many try to come across that way by never admitting that black women have a hell of a lot of faults too. So, the next time instead of putting down white women and asian women in order to make black women's faults look normal, just admit it that black women can be no good period! Not all black women of course, but a good percentage.
Why? Perhaps examine Ray
Sunday, August 11, 2002 at 20:53:20 (PDT)
I just recently got together with my best friend, who is an African-American female, so far things have been going pretty well. I told my parents about us being together and they are not very happy at this time and point, they are constantly saying things to make me feel guilty, and the other bad part about it, they are not even making an attempt to get to know her. When we were just friends, they were fine with that. I knew they would have a reaction but, not like this.
Guy in the South
Sunday, August 11, 2002 at 19:27:34 (PDT)
Love at first site...
Just a comment. I'm happy for you but just want to make sure you do realize that if she is from Trinidad...she isn't African American. She's black, yes, but people from Trinidad are black. Not every black person is from Africa and I just thought you should know this before you offend someone. It's just like saying all Hispanics are Mexican. If you call someone, for instance, from El Salvador a Mexican, they will be offended. Just wanted to make sure you were politically aware that just b/c someone is black doesn't mean they're from Africa. Also, keep in mind that blacks come in ALL shades (and behaviors of course) from the whitest whites to the blackest blacks. There are many blacks that look Hispanic just like there are many blacks that look white, Italian, Indian, etc. Just thought you should know. :-)
CaliGirl
Sunday, August 11, 2002 at 16:45:18 (PDT)
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