How to Turn a Superpower into a Banana Republic
By Tom Kagy | 11 Feb, 2025

Donald and Elon show how fun and easy it is to turn a stuffy old constitutional democracy into a big lively banana republic reality show.

Those old Roman slackers took nearly four centuries to slim down their behemoth empire into a charming, unpretentious little Tuscan getaway destination.  Donald and Elon are showing far more energy at rebranding the US into the world's biggest banana republic.

DC's new dynamic duo could write a textbook on how to dispense with the costly burdens of being the world's indispensable nation.  Who wants to be indispensable anyway?  Better to toss the script and become a rollicking hit reality show. 

Here are Don and Elon's tips on how anyone can achieve the same delightful results:

1. Make Huge Promises that Can't Possibly Be Kept

Of course Donald is a past master at this skill, having promised to make Mexico pay for his wall.  And now he's promising to make the world pay for America's deficit and defense to save Americans money.  Nice!  The guy may be nearing 80 but getting even stronger at this game.  It shows he really knows what his base wants to hear.  It's those little personal touches that make him such a hit. 

Not to be outdone, Elon is promising to cut $2 trillion a year from our federal budget!  Again, shows he's in touch with the MAGA psyche.  After all there's gotta be big savings from draining that swamp!

2.  Let Personal Fiat and Peeve Trump Constitutional and Legal Principles

What really wowed Donald fans is his pledge to "suspend" the Constitution on day one.  What a bore it was to memorize that restrictive old parchment in high school.  That promise reassured the MAGA base that their guy peeves big, really BIG!  And they understand peeve as shown by the way they took over Capitol Hill. 

And Elon hasn't forgotten how much those California bureaucrats and the Delaware Chancery Court judge got his goat, not to mention his $52 billion bonus payday.  If you think randomly referring to that good samaritan scuba diver who helped rescue that Thai boy's soccer team from the flooded cave as "that pedo guy" showed peeve, wait til you see what Elon plans to do to the federal judge who ruled he had to pay the tens of millions in bonuses promised by Twitter before he bought it!

3. Cleanse the Government of Political Enemies

Who can doubt the integrity of a President who fired the FBI agents involved in investigating the January 6 uprising?  Heck, Don made a generous offer to the entire FBI and the CIA, as well as the rest of the federal workforce to quit and enjoy a nice 8-month paid vacation.  Who needs federal law enforcement?  Who needs the IRS?  Who needs environmental, transportation safety or securities regulators?  Certainly not a nation that had barely a handful of air crashes during Don's second week in office.  And certainly not Elon whose Tesla Full Self-Driving feature was recalled by those silly NHTSA bureaucrats over 60 measly crashes in 2023.

4.  Blame Immigrants and Foreign Nations for Our Ills

Donald is especially swift at pointing the finger at Mexico, Canada, China, the EU — everywhere but at nations like Russia and North Korea — for everything from violent crime to Fentanyl overdoses to the federal budget deficit.  He understands better than most American politicians that many Americans don't want to cogitate long enough to understand how Americans create the conditions that prevail in America.  Pointing the finger outward is the sign of a first-rate simplifier, and that in itself is enough to satisfy his base, never mind what happens to their grocery and housewares costs after the blame game is launched.

5.  Turn Friends and Allies into Enemies with Jingoist Pronouncements

Donald's threats to take over Canada, Greenland, the Panama Canal, and the Gaza Strip is music to the ears of his base.  Those who feel like powerless pawns in their own lives relish the notion that their "team" has the clout to violate at will the territorial integrity of other "teams".  The Donald understands this psychological phenomenon, as do owners of America's pro sports franchises. 

The fact that this kind of talk is merely a low-grade fantasy doesn't lessen its appeal for those who like to believe that the US could own the entire world if not for the stupidity of liberals.  Unfortunately, this kind of trash talk diminishes the trust and influence the US has built up over the past century.  But to those who love bluster that's less important than the momentary glow from gloating.  The glow fades over time but Don is good at renewing it at regular intervals with similarly jarring pronouncements.

Unfortunately the Don and Elon show is already starting to wind down as it faces growing backlash from the other co-equal branches of government, states like California, foreign nations, and Americans used to enjoying the high standard of living afforded by the trust and stability that has made the dollar the world's reserve currency.  Meanwhile we can take a bit of guilty pleasure in experiencing the surreal amusement of living in the world's biggest, baddest banana republic reality show.