Time to Get a New Mirror
By wchung | 22 Feb, 2025

Part 3 of the journey to becoming a confident, secure Asian American.

Growing up in American society has the unfortunate effect of conditioning young Asians to look to Whites to set the standard. The inevitable effect is to cripple the ability to take the initiative which is the very essence of one of the most important qualities in a highly functioning human being — dynamism.

This early conditioning also burns into our consciousness a standard that favors White norms. This has the terrible effect of taking away confidence.

And by making Asians appear to be substandard Whites, it discourages the natural desire to identify with other Asians, in turn destroying the sense of community essential for any group in developing a sense of security in their identity.

That is why the only way to become an Asian American who is dynamic, confident and secure in his or her identity is to consciously, systematically and persistently reverse this insidiously distorting effect by reclaiming one’s own perspective.

Get a New Mirror

The grossly distorting effect of the American media creates the false impression that Whites lead lives full of exciting, glamorous possibilities while Asians are losers on every level — odd, backward, confused, nerdy, just plain inferior in the larger arena of life.

That’s the mirror that you’ve been staring into the whole time you were growing up and trying to create an identity for yourself!

Is it any wonder you lack confidence?

You really need a new mirror, Baby! Finding one in American society requires a conscious effort. Make a point of spending time regularly in true Asian environments, surrounded by Asian faces and voices. Seek out Asian-centric movies, books, magazines, TV shows, music, fashion, humor. Only by immersing yourself in media and environments that put Asians front and center rather than in the tattered, yellowed margins will you start to restore your natural appreciation for Asian beauty, charisma, achievement, culture, values and sense of style.

The more you internalize these Asian standards, the weaker will be the sway of early conditioning by White media and society. In time you will be able to see yourself through your own eyes and appreciate the ways in which you exhibit the positive qualities as seen from an Asian or Asian American perspective.

You will come to see that intellect is a good thing, that having a long-term perspective on life enhances the prospects of success and happiness, that Asian culture embodies thousands of years of practical wisdom, that Asian physical features are modern and sexy, that Asians possess a sense of style that easily rivals any other.

Once you get used to seeing yourself in an Asian mirror, you will stop looking to Whites as the true standard and recognizes that we Asian Americans have our own Golden Standard. As your natural sense of self-confidence returns you will start to see other Asians as attractive people with whom you share many things.

Avoid False Asian Pride

I want to caution you against what some Asian Americans see as the quick and easy way to an identity — indiscriminately rejecting everything not Asian. That would be imitating the worst aspects of the American culture you’ve just discarded! No — false pride is no solution. It will set you up for yet another fall as you face rejection from the secure Asian Americans who scorn militant but empty lip service to “Asian Pride”. You would end up no better than the lowlifes who shout “White Power” and live on the bottom stratus of American society.

There is no shortcut to true pride. It takes time and sustained effort to absorb all you can about Asian history and culture, Asian Americans who have overcome much to build lasting success, the rise of Asian economic power, Asian American contributions to education, technology, law, business, medicine, culture, arts and even the media to build and shore up America’s standing in the world.

By learning well the truth about Asians you will find it easy to shuck off the oppressive stereotypes and socially-conditioned second-class mentality that once kept you feeling insecure, irrelevant and unwanted. You won’t need to shout “Asian Power” because you will exude it in your attitude and by your actions, secure in the knowledge that you aren’t some oddball but a member of America’s most accomplished and successful population segment.

Now you’re ready to take the initiative for your own life and form friendships with other Asians — as well as people of all races — who accept and appreciate you for the same qualities that once made you feel like a misfit and outcast.

In my next column I will discuss how to better connect with other Asian Americans.