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I arrived in Bangkok last month for a week’s stay, eager to take in as much local culture as possible.
I began by eating my entire body weight in pad thai, papaya salad, and tom yum goong. Due to Thailand’s use of kilograms, I will thankfully never know how much I actually gained.
After doing a little too much shopping — all for less than what I spend on half a tank of gas in LA — I decided I should probably take in some of the city’s historic sights, many of which are Buddhist monuments.
Tuk Tuks
I headed to the old part of town and began my exploration on foot, but it wasn’t long before I was approached by a tuk tuk driver who offered me a guided tour so cheap that there was certain to be a catch.
And a catch there was.
After the first monument, the driver informed me that he would like to take me to a suit shop. If I spent just ten minutes pretending to be interested in buying something, he explained, the shop would give him a voucher for gas.
I had heard about a suit racket in Bangkok, including from a friend who personally got swindled out of $1,000 by the alleged suit salesman.
But in every account I’d heard, the driver was in on the con.
Rather, I found my driver’s upfront-ness endearing. Since I had no place to be and was, frankly, up for a challenge, I agreed to his game. I swaggered into the suit shop ready to pretend to play ball.
Unfortunately, my best theatrical efforts lasted only about two minutes before the shop owner could tell that I had no intention of actually buying anything and kicked me out.
“You’re back already?” my driver puzzled, “I thought we agreed on ten minutes?”
I assured him that it wasn’t for a lack of effort on my part.
We got another monument in before the driver insisted that we repeat the suit shop act. I probably could have just given him enough money to cover his gas myself and sidestepped the bullshit. But I was, frankly, determined to make up for my Razzy-worthy performance.
This time, we headed for a travel agency. Ten minutes was, once again, the magic number.
This one I could fake a little better. I would basically tell the travel agent the truth about what I was hoping to accomplish with the remainder of my time in Bangkok, which included exploring different markets and cuisines. Of course, I had no intention of doing it through an agency that was certain to up-charge me on something that I could accomplish with public transit.
Muay Thai
What I had not planned for, however, was the effect that the agency’s massive advertisement for a local Muay Thai fighting arena would have on me.
While I very seldom tune in for WWE, UFC, or boxing matches, Muay Thai felt like a great way to embrace the local culture. Plus, they had beer.
I inquired about the Muay Thai stadium prices only to be given a clearly inflated price, as expected.
After clocking my ten minutes, I thanked the travel agent for his time and headed to my driver who confirmed receipt of his gas voucher.
It was about 7pm on a Friday evening. I told him that I was good on monuments, but asked him to drop me off at Rajadamnern Muay Thai Stadium.
Some brief internet research told me to forget about the expensive ringside seats and opt instead for the cheap general admission concrete benches. That’s where the locals allegedly sat. It’s also where the betting took place… which I looked forward to observing but had no interest in participating in. The ticket was the equivalent of about $30.
The atmosphere was electric. Massive TV screens hung around the loud and bright circular stadium.
Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us” poured out of the surround sound speakers to hype up the arena.
Thousands of cheering fans filled the seats, though I was not in the vicinity of any gambling.
Servers came around with drinks and snacks. I personally enjoyed two beers, some popcorn, and a custard bun.
The ceiling itself was a massive video screen, projecting anything from graphics to a five minute video about the history of “Muay Thai,” which it turns out that I knew very little about. Per the video, the ancient martial art of Muay Thai was used by the King’s soldiers as a way to protect him in combat, beginning in approximately the year 1300 BC.
And then, of course, was the fighting: Each of the evening's seven matches consisted of three two-minute rounds of kicking, punching, elbowing, and virtually any other way of inflicting pain short of, say, biting.
To be clear, I went to the arena in spite of the violence and not because of it. I have always prided myself on being a pacifist…which went out the window the moment the opening bell rang. Before I knew what had come over me, I was on my feet shadow boxing and screaming “Knock his ass out!”
The Muay Thai was definitely a highlight of my Thai experience. I would highly recommend it to anyone else traveling to Bangkok.
Grab a beer and sit in the cheap seats. Casual attire, though. No suits.